Why,What,Where,When,How ……………… just too many questions……..and who will give us the answers ……………… God supposedly gave us the answers in his great books – Bible, Gita, Upanishads etc.. But I dont believe in them at all times. Better to ask ourselves.

What is love ……………. why are we here ……………… why do bad thoughts dominate my mind……..Why? Why? Why? Why ? Why am I so frustrated?
Love……..the most important word in our dictionary probably. Something we all search for and find in some way or the other. What is it really? People say they what it is, I dont believe them. It has a diffrent association for everyone. I dont know much………too confused….only that you havent known true love till you have had your heart trampled, broken and fucked.
only after you have lost all hope of achieving that which you hold dear will you learn it’s importance. After every loss we act like we were idiots to have run after it. But the truth is we are trying to diminish its value in our minds………brainwashing ourselves. So we do not feel bad that we have lost something precious. It’s a lie. We wanted it. It was precious for us. Now we have to live without it. So why not make life a little easier.
Do you know the answer? I am not even sure if I understand what I am asking.
Love gives me wings. It makes me invincible as long as I have to do something for my love. For the reason of my life. But the moment we loose it we come crashing down. Too Bad. Face it ravely and don’t lie to yourself. Illusions don’t help. Utopia is not real.
Love kills, love gives, love takes. Still it rules supreme.
Maybe it is the reason we live. Only to find more love. Or to spread more love. Or sometimes to destroy love.

When I am in love I want to take care of that person, let her know I am there for her. Feel her presence inside me. Feel her in the air. I want to really know her. What her needs are and what her fears are. Qench her thirst for life. bring her every hapiness I possibly can.
But alas. Something will always marr it. We cannot have this perfection.

We shout at life for being unfair. for taking away my love from me, or denying me my love. but we should also thank life for ever letting that love be there. For letting us know how it feels to surrender yourself to someone else. To take care of and to be taken care off. To have given meaning to life even if for a short while.
We all have an infinite capacity to love.
But do we use it?

Thank you life…….for showing me what true beauty is.

Arul Vanorien


I am walking in the dark…………..I dont know where my life is leading me. I don’t know what I am going to do for a living. I know I dont want to walk on the path my parents want me too. But do I really have a choice. After all it was me who told them I wanted to study maths. Alas it was too late when I realised how much I hated this Engineering. I have the potential, the resources but not the will. I sub-consciously destroyed my future.

Tell me something ….and I really want your views on this………why do we punish ourselves?
Some people think it is a measure of self-restraint that will make us harder and thus more capable of survivng this life. Is it really true? Or do we say it just because we believe that hardness is the best sign of anything good.(I dont know how to express this…..so forgive me if I sound stupid or weird). I know some people, myself included, who after going through a tough ordeal in life make themselves promis they will never make the mistake again.
The most common examples involve that four letter word which we all rever and hate the most, our views on it changing periodically. My views on it were different yesterday than what they are today.
Once we have been betrayed in love or life…we feel it was our mistake to let it happen. We should have been more carefull…….we question..Why was I so stupid?Why didnt I see it would end this way? It had happened before, I should have known better.
Then comes our punishment. I will never love again. I will never trust again. I will live life as a loner. I wont let some one else come close to me. I won’t be betrayed again.
We say all this and at that point we mean all of it.
It makes me wonder…….is it really suffering that tells us the value of life, of love, of respect, of affection, of forgiveness.
Maybe it does. Maybe it doesnt. I believe there is a balance, in tandem. Suffering and enjoyment teach us the truth.
Enjoyment teaches us the need for itself………need to respect life. It teaches us the need to respect and appreciate and adore.
Suffering tells us the real value of what we had enjoyed. Once we miss it or regret it…….we can see it more clearly.
Don’t know if this was helpfull……..but I think I will leave it at this abrupt end.
Thanks for listening.

Arul Vanorien

hmm….All this buzz about Harry Potter really forced me to think.


Why is Harry Potter so goddamn famous. Its almost iconic today. If you havent got Harry stuff you just aren’t COOL. But why should I have Harry books? They certainely aren’t the best ones around.
So why are they the most famous books of our times?

The major reason is the marketting. The people at Bloomsburry jumped on the gun as soon as they saw its potential. And follow it with movies and kidstuff. And Voi-la…..we have a bestseller. Their target audience was a generation of TV bred kids like us. Hardly one out of ten reads. Soon word spread about this new book, the Potter Mania was born and the buzz just got bigger and bigger.

Parents loved it because it taught their children the ‘ value of reading’ but honestly tell me, How many kids whose first book was Harry Potter ever read anything else?

For me Harry Potter is akin to a scar on the fantasy genre of writing. It really doesn’t involve the two main ideals of fantasy to a very great deal- Dream(imagination) and Freedom(the creation of another world).

What Rowling has done is to embibe the true myths of many countries into a typical hollywood plot. Add to them just lots of colour without depth and average teen thoroughfare and you get Potter. The young teen who supposedly symbolises all of us.

But no matter how much I may be biased against it I might be wrong. The reason I despise it is because it really steals the fame from other books that are much better in plot, fiction, creation and emotions in everyway.

I myself am a slave for Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. Such depth of charecter, such deep politics, the reality of his fiction is unnerving. The true humane weaknesses and strength of his charecters leave me spellbound , the way RAnd Al’Thor rises from a mere shephard to the Dragon Reborn and rewrites all history. SPELLBINDING. Also the colours of all the cultures and groups with their political ambitions is amazing. It would take a master to think such plotlines up. When I first read the first book of the series I thought it would end in the next book, but no 11 books and it still hasnt ended . At at no place is it a drag. The plot keeps on dragging you in. Ah and as budding author I just can stop from mentioning the fact that the names in his books are amazing, Rand Al’Thor, Perrin,Lan Mandragon,Sightblinder,Moghedion,Moiraine,Lanfear etc..

I must say I enjoyed reading the harr potter books a bit, but only because I like things very easily, but it pales in comparison to Tolkien, Jordan or Pullman.

Please do give your comments. I eagerly await them.

Arul Vanorien