Utopia………..my obsession with it goes back too far to remember. I admit that to an extent I am a Schizophrenic. I fear it the most and also welcome it the most. It sets me free and also binds me in chains.
How can that be, both at once?
I ask the same questions to myself.
Let me explain, at least try.
We all have dreams and passions. These dreams sometimes define our lives. They are the frame about which we build our lives. We dream of certain achievements and the glory and or happiness they will bring us. Some of us like me go a step further. We actually live in that world .Our utopia. And when we see reality we are scared, for our dreamland was far too good. Too satisfying to our mentalities, too close to perfection. And then we become slaves to ourselves. We obsess. Start to hate the world even more. And we are right in a way. It’s like being woken rudely from a peaceful sleep.
We all cherish that state of bliss where we live in that parallel universe. There we are free. Free to do anything. But we are slowly becoming slaves to all of this. These dreams of Utopia are just like Drugs and Narcotics for the mind. They induce a false sense of happiness, they call on us to obey them, surrender ourselves to them. They provide us with a sense of well being .A LIE.
What a paradox. Here I am claiming to know their reality when I myself am a slave to this illusion. My utopia has me as a big time author, blessed with the love of the girl I love. I lie in her lap and stare at the stars as we plan our future, sitting on a grassy knoll as the wind blows through her hair.
But reality will never be this way. I am fated to a life that I do not wish to accept. My love will never be mine, she is destined for someone else. For years my heart has bled at the sight of her. But I rejoice in her happiness (or at least seem to think so, is it another illusion).
We all need to find out our illusions. Sometimes we make ourselves accept a situation and then say it was meant to be this way.