you know…
i thought i had found her..
my inspiration../the elusive spirit that owuld put an end to my miseries i tho upon myself. someone who would help me sort out who i am…..

but guess what..no such thing…
shes hardly even aware of my existence…
and why should she be anyway..who am i really..a nothing..a non existent person as far as she is concerned.

i need to gain my self respect back…its been years now…when will i reegain the reins……
ive ben reeling around like a loose spirit for years now..i need to figure it all out and get down to my life again…
i need t understand who i really am…

i need to find me

Advertisements

Shame can eat you hollow. It swirls like a sick acid in your insides, eating away the essence that was you…what used to be you anyway. It makes you hate the one person you need to be the most honest with, the one person who needs to respect you the most and the one person who might understand the best, yourself.
But what will you do if u lie in self contempt and disgrace. when the very essence of your survival, your honour is assaulted by your own actions. When you let situations and emotions haunt you so much that you become a useless little slob.
What would you do if the person you respected the most, the person you rever and look upto; might start hating you and look down upon you in contempt. when that person cant even stand talking to you and all you do is sit with your face burried in your hands.

shame can eat you alive, specially when your idol herself casts you down…

im sorry **.