Frustrated man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 its so infuriating .. when your friends just bail on you .. the people you thought were gonna be with you forever .. and then they just turn aroun and never even notice ur not around ………………
she … well i htought we could be friedns forever … or pretty long anyway …. and now .. not only has she stopped caring but shes even blocked me out .. cant even take 5 minutes out in a day ………. shit … and i trusted her nd what not … maybe im overreacting .. maybe im jsut acting liek a dork …. maybe u cant undestand what im really going through coz i cant tell u the story … there is that little privacy thing that holds these instances confidential na ….. but all in all … i can just say this
i feel betrayed …………. like u took our friendship and stabbed it .. over and over again .. and then walked away not even remmembering any of it …
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As he drove into the patio he noticed the moon gliding behind the dark blue clouds again. It had been doing that all night now ,, now you see it now you dont … flirting with his mind . .. almsot teasing him to dare and find it. Its funny how u can see the shadow of a woman in almost everything around you .. even when ur not hinking about her.

He let the car be there, hed put it in the garage in the morning. As he got out of it though he couldnt help but smile at some memories that were quietly creeping back into his mind. Teasing little sensations that you learn to live with or theyd crush you to your grave.
He finally got out and unlocked the door. It seemed the maid had been about her business, the place was spotless, certainly not hte way he had left it earlier that day, or was it yesterday.. he didnt know nor care.
The alcohol was slowly settling down in his veins and he could feel its presence as he walked swinging from side to side to the his room. But sleep was not his tonight. he kept tossing in bed like a fifteen year old with a crush. You wanna think about it but you dont know what it is. But as the mood glided between the curtains and onto his face he took it to be a sign and walked out on to the balcony. A slight breeze was blowing and it made him feel chilly on the outside but his blood seemed to be burning with a rage of its own. Everythign made him feel uneasy. 
He poured out a glass of bourbone from the cabinet by his bed and felt it flowing down till he could almost feel it in his soul. But the uneasy feeling did not subside. 
Our man closed his eyes and tried to relax under the starlight and let the salty night breeze take care of everything for him. He tried to recall all the points he had to get cleared at the meeting tomorrow. He tried to imagine that girl he had met at his friends party a few hours ago but his mind didnt seem to be agreeing with his brain. Nothing made sense.
That was it, he knew what he had to do. 
It had been ages … months ,, maybe years.
He quickly got off from his chair and rushed upstairs into the attic where he was sure hed find it. THe lightbulb msut have blown a fuse but he continued to rummage in the dark, aided by the flirtatious cupid that was the moon. 
A box of old ledgers soon lost its place and a stack of newspapers followed in its path.
And there it lay, quietly in the corner looking almsot as good as it had fifteen years ago when he had bought it. He couldnt notice any rust in that dark.
Going back into his bedroom he found a small drawer hidden well within his closet that no one knew about. he took it out and placed it on his bed. The moonlight was jsut perfect as it reflected off the little steel box that he was looking for. Opening it he saw a picture of hers that he had attached to the inside of the box and suddenly it was like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest and he could breathe normally again. That uneasy feeling just drifted away as quickly as it had crept into him.
And there wiith the photographs of that lady were the words to a song he had sung to himself on countless nights as he lay alone in bed or drove on his bike or car .. words that he had written but never really told her of. Choking down all his emotions jsut to keep her a bit happier. Love can be mean … but not without a reason .. even if its painfull.
He too out the pages but didnt need to read them to know hte words, theyd been etched in his mind the day he scribbled them after crying over her … how his new friends would be shocked to know this man had once cried over a woman …. theyd never believe it.
He walked out into the blacony and suddenly the paper flew out of his hands and into flew away with the wind into the misty seas ……………
and he let it fly .. let the world know of my love ….
and quietly that man sat down on the floor and played a tune he had once written for someone special … he didnt notice how hte rusted strings cut his fingers till they bled .. he didnt notice that there were tears flowing down his eyes again after all these years …. he didnt notice that he really wasnt singing .. jsut mumbling … because in his mind …. he was laughing and crying … singing the song for the girl he loved …. then and forever…

Lost in this grey shaded world … cant help but think twice ….
whats the reason for which we keep dragging on … a lost life .. of pointless strife
Lost and lonely … whats my purpose .. for this life of mine …
and then i looked up .. into the shadows of her eyes …
pools of mystic blue … those eyes shining in that prettiest of hue’s
singing in the tempered light .. tales of fire and ice ……
lying and living in disguise …
but all the while .. lost deep in those dark pools … is the elixir for my life
All my hate creeps away .. at just the thought of your smile ..
and i cant help but wonder .. is this what those bards of yore sang of
when they told ere tales … of sleepless nights and wingless flights …
of loosing ones soul in the chasms of delight .. to be found only in your eyes .. as i stare into your soul and show you mine …
that slight mix of pleasure and pain .. the true taste of life …
the source from which i only gain .. the memories to live any life by …….
………
o when even your own thoughts are no longer yours and you seem indebted for life …..
o when just a smile is what u need to live another day by …
such …
thanks to you .. is my life 🙂

You have one of those days … where its all … i dont have a word to describe what i mean .. so just read on ………………

Its been over a years ince ive felt this way about you … ive seen you through all this time … seen u smile .. havent seen u cry …. seen u angry .. seen u sad … saw how u can get bothered … and how sometimes … you might even let a friend hold your hand and cool you down … seen u get what you desrve .. seen u fly … shared ur dreams …. dreamt for you .. and with you …. felt your hand on my shoulder when i needed someone to guide me …………… seen you through pleasure and pain … how you battle with the world for whats yours and whats right ….. how ur so sweet and delicate but strogner than i ever can be … or anyone else ………… heard fear in your voice and acceptance of my flaws … how u hardly ever judged me for all these flaws that i have … and still patiently stood by my side when i needed you ……….. of the day i told you ……. of how your the only girl who makes me cry …. the girl who gave me all that i wanted in life .. short of her acceptance .. and her love ……….  now i know what brings out the best in me ……. for giving me a new leash on life …. and a way to look at things and survive them like id never known before ……
its weird how i cna never get angry at you … and how i always miss u .. even when ur right in front of my eyes ………. how i jsut want to hold u tight in my arms once and kiss you goodbye ……. how every night when i go to sleep ur the one i pray for …….  ur the one who haunts my dreams and makes it impossible for any opther girl to measure up to your standards ………..
i remmeber … how exited id get .. writing those poems for you … that little sonnet with the pink socks and the ivory towers ……. how i care only about your happiness .. even if it means i get out of your way and let someone else take the place i was hoping to be in ……. how u make me .. lamost invulnerable ………….. its weird coz sometimes i just want to make u such a big part of my life and leanr all about you ………… how once truly i can shout out to the world and say …. i loved that girl ………………
how i jsut want to dedicate my life to you ………… dearest of all my friends … the person i respect the most … and i wish i can always keep u happy and safe … and ………………….. smiling
i just remmbered those nights wed spend talking … about our lives … of people and death …. travel and food and lessons we’ve learnt …… talkign to you … when i could forget all my problems ..and laugh with you ….. for horus without end … feel free … be myself … be scolded … be laughed at … be pampered …. and pamper yo ualong the way ………….. how can anyone say i cant miss u … do i even need to say that i do ….. miss you…
my life is dedicated to you …. my soul is your shrine ………. ur image is in my mind .. the purest of bliss … and ……………………………………………
i love you my lovely lady 🙂