I was jsut sending a reply to my didi on the loveable sin that is facebook and by the end of the post I had a realisation … i really miss her. Like crazy. I wish i could loot her once again like i used to at Dilli Haat or whisper at her engagement when i saw my jiju for the first time “wah di, what a catch!” … or walk her back to her PG and then half na hour later hear her scream at me for waliing abck home and not taking an auto … or how id make excuses about not having money and shed try n thrust notes into my hand … eating pan with her or making fun of how short she is … God she even almost got me inside a beauty salon once!!!

Missing someone you havent seen in a long while makes sense. But there are other reasons which drove me to think and therefore i write here, clearing my thoughts and searching for the answer as always.

So ive never had a sister. Cousins galore but the ones ive grown close to are all younger than me. I never had too many elder cousins to look upto on a regular basis except for pintu bhaiya so i guess it makes ense that after being the elder brother to all my cousins and Aksay i felt a longing ofr a sister. Somehow sisters have been too special for me in my life and I’ve tried to fill that void up and the life has been lucky to a great extent. Three family friends that i can count have played a phenomenal role in my life, each at their stage. Even they used to be friends but now its a 2-1 division. Sad.

But Rohini di, theres something about her. Pallavi di was there when i was in high school and early college. Shikha di both later and earlier. But Rohini di had just eclipsed out of my life for nearly a decade and half till i found her on Orkut. And ever since i met her during my internships in Delhi shes been everything i could ask for. A friend, counselor and guardian. A friend but she is nothing short of family for me. She’s the cutest little thing and when she scholds something makes me cow down like a little child (or a cow). She’s the advisor ive always looked for. And the fact that her parents are amongst the sweetest and most amazing people ive ever met jsut makes it feel even warmer.

I miss you di, a lot. And knowing I can feel so strongly for you makes me happy. I finally have one of the five people i was searching for. Let the other four make their way through till then ive got my didi. 🙂 🙂 🙂


Today it seems my life stands at a crossroad. And not a normal crossroad either. Imagine life as a bridge moving towards the horizon. The fading away of the bridge into the horizon signifies the distant future, the step in front of you the immediate future. I walk this bridge until today i stand at a junction. Choose the wrong path and you fall down into the abyss of “I knew better than to fall back into this ditch!Idiot” and the other is an unexplored realm with its own beasts and genies.
A friend tells me she considers me a good friend and respects me. We come closer. Earn each others respect. Learn more. I think i fall for her and let her know, she has a right but i do nothing more. She backs off a little. Understandable. Hurts a little but i know its for the best. She inspires me. I dont know what it is, heartbreak or romance, for to me they have been served i nthe same cup and i have not a drop of regret. 😀
Anyway back to the road to the crossroad. So she still asks me for help, we keep in touch, have fun, laugh at stupid things. Its a simple life. Its a good life. I never asked for anything more. The inspiration helps me push through a rode-block in my life and i end up finishing my first song. To the one i owe for helping me indirectly achieve this mental milestone i dedicate it. She goes away for a month. We loose contact. Then when the bridges cross as college reopens she avoids me and as a reaction i end up doing the same. I sense a change in her. She avoids my messages ( faint memory from the past echoes, deja vu?? ) Then she blocks me from her facebook profile. i dont knwo about you guys but that doesnt make any sense to me mate!!! The weirdest part is … it doesnt hurt me. Atleast not so far and i dont think im repressing ti either. Time does make one stronger doesnt it. Anyway, today shes back in my friend list! I can see her in other peoples posts (i did a thorough “am i blocked or is she off facebook check” dont wanna make the same mistakes like the past) … its confusing 😛 😛

in three months i will belong to the world of the employed. Away from the luxuries of home, the fun of the hostel and the poverty of student life. Its like a clock is ticking inside my head. Life is going to change and in more ways than one. I dont even have a remonition about what this clock is ticking for. Just hope.

This last year of college has started of really well for me. From ending failed relations that were eating me up a little by little to getting a job .. Dm”’ had me worried sick but i know he’ll come out of the clouds unscathed …. and then pranjal came back to town and ive been having the time of my life since then …. but in less than ten days he’ll leave. My college life seems to be taking another turn. While i have more friends than ever, it seems that with some people who mean the world to me …. that somethings jsut not right. Had we become so used to the pressure that we could only survive under it…. or is it the need for some space (that cant be it .. we’ve had way more than we need) or the uncomfortable division i nthe group because of my decisions … i cant but help feel guilty at times … but those decisions were needed … while i look forward to the future .. part of my life looks back at the past and wonders ……………..