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He probably doesn’t love his wife as much. But, what can be so wrong with his 2-year old son? I never get that. Or does he detest kids? What else could be the reason for my manager to come to office sharp at 9 am and leave only after the last person has left his/her cubicle. My life was oh! so pleasant before I knew this murky, flabby, workaholic, peculiar man who calls me abnormal. You know why? Because normal people don’t write. Ha!

He makes lives miserable, he breaks hearts, he slays dreams, he ruins friendships and he loves being wicked. Doesn’t this remind you of one of those Bollywood con men or villains who just know what it takes to exasperate the hero? I am the hero here and I have no idea whether I’d win the game. I am supposed to right? After all, the baddies don’t…

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Friends …

Sometimes we can so sorely miss the weight of this word.
How do you weigh two relationships. Specially if one isnt the same as it used to be and the other isnt at the stage it could be.

Past Present Future

You could say that one is always conscious of the way one looks. Some just have a complex. But those like me are aware that we arent a catch, even remotely.
And hence sometimes it does hurt when we forget this inferiority and walk amidst the clouds of the good looking.
We cant compete. Its simple.
When the cards are drawn, your personality is like the love for scotch. Tempered with time. Nobody just falls for you. It happens. Time.
On the other hands good looks are like a swig of vodka. Strong. Instantaneous. And leaving room for future altercations and affairs. Its just a better first impression.
Hence it doesnt matter if I may care for a girl who I know a little. I may care but i am at one hell of a disadvantage to woo her. Its a small personal story l, that which hapenned tonight, but its best left burried. The present with the future.

The only reason I write tonight to break this unholy consortium of slow Poison and rabid repetition. I fear I am stuck in the rut of the past.

I am a romantic in a realists world.

An idealist asshole with a chink in his armour.

An idiot who thought he could understand the force of the great power that can move worlds!

I lost.
I admit it.

a little boy sits alone
waiting, for daddy to come home

you tell me
is the cost worth the fight

they tell me
this world is changing

the tide,
is turning

but all i can see
is hatred wearing a new mask

all we seek
is a reason to hate

something
to justify this fate

the boy still sits alone
waiting for daddy to come back home

his wait is lifelong
because daddy earned a medal in the war

a little bit of tin
and gold and brass

to help bury daddy in the old brown grass

they tell me
the tide is turning

but all i see are these walls

people turning strangers
hatred becomes just another commodity

everything is worth what it sells for
ideas are all just another merchandise
love is only meant for sacrifice

tell me why
why would i want to live this life

but yesterday i had a dream
of a world that wasn’t so strange

its never too late
till the day you give up

they say
the tide is turning

lets pick up our brothers in arms
and walk down the shadows lands

light the path along the way
make sure, the tide is turning

break down these walls around us
make sure break the ones that surround us

the tide is turning
it surely is turning

the change is there to come
lets play our part
and make sure it comes

oh yeah, the tide
is turning

The legend of the Birthday Cake

There once was a man,
all wizened and old,
who came a drifting to town;

set down for shop,
and opened his pack,
selling legends for a crown.

I passed him by,
didn’t look once back,
till I heard a weezing sound;

“Come ‘ere my lad
and listen to the tale
ere the night falls down”.

So this is the legend,
of the story of the tale,
of how the name day came to be:

“There once was a knight,
all fair and tall,
whose heart a lady had won;

and then came the night,
all dark and long,
when his heart she trampled on.

So traveled sir knight,
the lands too far,
hoping to end his curse;

but walk all he might,
there was never a night,
when the knights tale wasn’t worse.

He lost his heart and slowly his soul,
till he decided to have a go,
at slaying great beasts and doing great deeds,
Oh anything that would swallow him whole.

Traipsing down the countryside,
he came up to an old inn door;

Knock he did and walked right in,
snorting like a boar.

I come to you,
o villagers damned,
like a beacon in the darkest night;

I come to you,
to save your souls,
for I, am the bravest knight.

The barkeep stood,
and polished his stool,
for the room was deathly still.

And then right there,
a child did come,
and challenged him to a test of his skill.

Come with me,
in the dark of the forest,
and slay this beast o yea.

Six heads spouts fire,
and mighty it stands,
but its weakness i say to thee.

And into his ear,
he whispered the secret,
of how to kill it for sure.

For all we know,
He told the knight,
of a special kind of lure.

so sir knight walks in
to the forest so dark
hoping to slay this beast

dreaming as he did
walking past shrubs
of a veritable feast

how grand will it be
when i walk back to town
hold its heads in my hands

and i am sure
to become the topic
of the songs of many a lands

deeper in the forest he walked
traipsing up and down
till finally he came, to a dark wood door
all fat, lovely and round

he knocked and he waited
he stood and he sated
his thirst from a brook not too far
which made a bustling sound

slowly a creak he heard
and surely before him he held
the door was open and out of it came
a little girl with hair all black yet bright

Who are you and what do you want
she screamed at the top of her lungs
it is not right to come barging in
to make fun of others plight

sir knight looked on
as the girl looked back
and a small tear he could see in her eyes

and then he knew
the dragon would wait
till he had set everything allright

tell me friend
how can i help
a child so innocent and sweet

she looked at him
all doe eyed and wild
jumping up and down

help me now
for a beast did steal
my cake and a plastic crown

sir knight sir knight
it was such a night
that i sat alone and dreamt

of eating my cake
for my nameday’s sake
my hair all wildly unkempt

i live afar
from ,my home in the stars
and all my friend i do miss

but a cake is all i want
and the little plastic crown
and my nameday will be spent in bliss

sir knight went prancing by
prancing and jumping
without a pony in sight

he jumped and he sighed
and looked on high
oh looking to pick a fight

finally he came to another door frame
and wondered what it was with them

hey keep jumping out from out of sight
doors in every dark glen

(the legend of sir knight, the birthday girl and her birthday cake shall be continued later … )

(and yes i haven’t forgotten the little plastic crown either)

Some one-liners a friend had penned down from my chats with him from YEARS AGO … way older than these blogs … they remind me of a much funnier time in my life …

Some people are just born weird ……… and some others just make themselves weird …. like me …!!!

Bein singles great … but bein commited to someone who really cares about you .. is even better(this one courtesy Val Gal)!

Some are born stupid …. others involuntarily try their best to surpass them…!!

Life can be fucked up ,,, and I (we) can make it even worse….!!!

Sometimes confessing it all to a stranger aint that bad an idea … !

Try too hard and you just might be termed an idiot…love too truly and they start laughing in your face … !

there are those who want to lead ….
there are those who can lead..
and then
there are those who should lead…

dont love too much ….. unless you get a bit of that love in return ,,,!!!!!

Deep down inside ,,,,,,,,,, Ever Girl’s Just a Girl!

People dont understand me ,,, because i dont show myself inthe ways they are used to…they become unknowingly blind…when its all there in front of them….and then they say i act weird….im an open book,,,you jsut dont know which pages to turn,,,,,!!

Darknes is not just the abscence of light..its the presence of profound
black..!!!

we all like to love…but sometimes….some of us are too scared..some are too hurt…and some are just blind!

There’s one love in your life…and if that dies away….dont be scared….you might be lucky enough to get a second chance…dont fuck that up….please…!!! (i still dont know if this is true,,,) [ever since writign this for the first time … i learnt it was true but that theres no replacign THE ONE or the FIRST ONE and i guess youll never know either till you die]

theres more to life than love….its the most importatnt thing..but not the only thing

Dogs and cats..dont get along…coz they were told theyre not supposed to!

……everything can be messed up because of presumptions..!!

Smoke..drink…do everything you wanna..as long as all the side-effects are limited to ONLY YOU…!

Love messes you up….worse than a paper of calculus…!!!

“Define her”, he said.

It’d have been easier if he had just asked me why the stars shone so bright tonight.

I did wonder, why could I see stars in hell. I think this was hell, why else was i with her.

He looked me crossly in the eye like child who had just discovered a nasty little secret.

“Define her,” he emphasised this time, rolling his fingers over the key around his neck. “Now”. A threat was implied.

I wondered if I had an option. best not to take chances. So i did, or at least tried. How co you possibly define her. How can you define something you don’t understand. But the lack of an option was resolution enough for me to venture forth.

“And”, she said, “before you start, tell me of what she is, regale me with her legend. Lend me your mind so i may share the vision. breathe life into the lore that brought you here, tell me of this maiden of whom you spoke. Who is the cause and the key. Tell me, who she was.” And you could see he was smiling though it would be impossible to figure out whether it was a smile of mirth or something else.

And thus i ventured.

“She is my sun and my stars, my light and the dark. When she spoke the clouds parted and I could see where it was that I was headed and when she cried the rains poured throughout the heaves and all of creation wilted. But like the wonder that is life she emerged from the dark cold night like a lily covered in morning dew. Shining in her simple innocence.

She changed me in many way, ways I saw and those that I didn’t. Change isn’t always good. My heart bled for her and because of her. She touched and ripped my heart and soul. She could not be mine and that was my destiny. This loss I couldn’t bear and this life I didn’t want. her pleasure in my demise burnt me with rage. Her smile was a torment for I knew it was destined for another. Every moment I saw her my mind would race and rip me apart from the inside. To this day I lived as such and today here I stand.”

She plucked the key and motioned towards the door. There was screaming coming from inside. i sighed and moved on.

____________________________

“Define her”, he said.

It’d have been easier if he had just asked me why the stars so bright tonight.

I did wonder, why could I see stars in heaven. I think this was heaven, why else was I with her.

He looked me crossly in the eye like child who had just discovered a nasty little secret.

“Define her,” he emphasised this time, rolling his fingers over the key around his neck. “Please”. The promise of a smile crept up her face.

I wondered if I had an option. How could I not talk about her. . So i did, or at least tried. How could you possibly define her. How can you define something you don’t understand. But the lack of an option was resolution enough for me to venture forth.

“And”, she said, “before you start, tell me of what she is, regale me with her legend. Lend me your mind so i may share the vision. breathe life into the lore that brought you here, tell me of this maiden of whom you spoke. Who is the cause and the key. Tell me, who she was.” And you could see he was smiling though it would be impossible to figure out whether it was a smile of mirth or something else.

And thus i ventured.

“She is my sun and my stars, my light and the dark. When she spoke the clouds parted and I could see where it was that I was headed and when she cried the rains poured throughout the heaves and all of creation wilted. But like the wonder that is life she emerged from the dark cold night like a lily covered in morning dew. Shining in her simple innocence.

She changed me in many way, ways I saw and those that I didn’t. Change isn’t always bad you know. My heart bled for her and because of her. She touched my heat and soul. Alas she could not be mine and that was my destiny. This loss I couldn’t bear and this life I didn’t want. The option was simple. I had to love her, for to not was not the option that presented itself. My life was to become a temple to cherish the love she showed I could posses. Her pleasure was neough to shadow my demise. Her smile, at one time torment for I knew it was destined for another, was today the reason to venture forth and lead a life worthy of the love I had felt. She may not be mine but the love I felt was and it was enough to keep this simple man happy. I would meet someone else or maybe not, but love like this could not be wasted for even a moment. I cherished her and so my life. Every moment I saw her my mind would race and make me smile. To this day I lived as i lived and here I stand.”

She plucked the key and motioned towards the door. I could see creep in from the other side. I looked back once and then moved on.

Dv, Thank you.
For being there when i needed someone to care. For having faith in my abilities and letting me believe i really wasnt a washed out old fool. 😀
For being the shoulder I could lean on and the friend who would reassure me that everything will be all right. That I was good and shouldn’t doubt myself so much.
We shared a journey and those memories are ours.
Thank you for holding my hand when I felt so lost. Thank you for caring enough to ask. And thank you mroe than anything else for reminding me of all the wonders of my past.
When I thought i was wandering the lanes o life not knowing where to go you came into my life and showed me the treasure of memories I have. I realised once again the need to simply have fun.
I have a new life, a new belief and after all these years once again a passion in my heart. And for all of this I thank you.
The moments I spent with you will be cherished forever and your beauty will always be a memory that keeps me smiling. ‘Pretty’ indeed if you recall.
I’m happy that i leave this place having earned another good friend and hope that someday our paths will cross again.
love,
Ankit 🙂